OMIGAWD! TEENAGERS!

Sleep deprivation has screwed with my memory.

I can only vaguely remember some things, the things that may be the most important parts of the night.

I remember you – was that you? – smiling at me as I shot you with the ‘laser gun’ and you turned around, saw me, and smiled. I remember us flirting and you “picking on me to get my attention”, my memories are all pretty vague.

But I can remember you, coming and sitting next to me, beside me, panting, you’d been running. You were happy when I spoke to you.

I remember when we got back to your place at 4am, and you must have thought I was staying over, I smiled at you, and you back, then when someone asked whether I would be there all night, you smiled so big, then tried to hide it, and then when I said I wasn’t, you got all sad, and kind of pissed off, if I say so myself.

I want to see where this goes, if this goes anywhere, or was it all fake memory, the haze added to the appeal and you’re really an immature moron who I’m wasting my time thinking about, another waste of time perhaps? God I hope not.

You seemed really sweet, it was all really sweet, and so different to how normal meetings and such are. If this was our first meeting, imagine our first date, imagine… oh god imagine.

I hope this isn’t all just my imagination; I really want this to work out. You’re so cute, and it would be a nice story to tell people.

Fucking politics.

Politics being all around, something I have always been told but never really wanted to believe. Recently, through being with the organization I volunteer with for a while, I have seen three types of political person.

Type one: The power hungry

These types seem to have different means to get the same thing, they are the suck ups at work, the bossy old women who seem to always want their way, the dominants. They want power, it doesn't matter how many people's feet they have to step on to get it.

Type two: The 'tweens'

I consider myself one of these, although they understand it, they don't want to be a part of it, sometimes these types rise in business, sometimes not. Although, they tend to be the people on the sides viewing it all.

Type three: non-politico.

These are the ones who don't seem to understand or care about the politics, they tend to be the "little minions" doing the work for those who understand it all better, if politicians had their way, everyone would be like this.

All three of these are present, on the ships at least, I'm sure there are more, but these are the really obvious ones, and I have grouped a lot of smaller groups together to make it all a simple post. Cut and clean, or so they say.

Arrrr, me hearties.

My dream could come true. I could be a real-deal pirate.

The other day the organization I work with, (seashepherd.org) changed it's plans and decided that they want to move their ship at a different time and this means I could become crew, because the time they were previously moving the ship muddled too much with my own shedual and I couldn't do it, which upset me, but, I could be in the antarctic defending the whales.

OH! SO EXCITING!

I honestly can't wait to be out there, seeing the world and conserving the whales, they are the most awesome animals on the planet and far be it from me to let them die out just because a few money-hungry thugs want to prove a point to the rest of the world, "we're not going to be told what to do", well I'm sorry, but you are, and I will be there to do something against you.

Yes. There is a war, and I'm going to have the chance (maybe) to stop the wrong-doers and be on the front lines, fighting the good fight.

Love, me.

I wanna be in the media! woah!

I've decided I want to be part of the manipulators, I want to be part of those that shape the view of the many and care about so few.

I want to be part of a group that's worse than politicians, I want to be part of a group that says and dose what it wants to make a few dollars, that wrecks lives and makes people cry without having to fire a single shot.

The truth? You can't handle the truth. No, I'm really serious, I want to be a media kid.

Saying things that are significant, or even things with no significants whatsoever.

I think I'd be great, don't you?

It's in my blood, and it should be in yours too.

M-E-D-I-A. It's my generation, it's yours, it's all of us, and it's quite a few bucks.

Breeding season. Baby season.

Everywhere I look I see new life. On a trip to the mountains with a friend we saw kangaroo's with joey's in their pouches, little lambs, budding tree's and the greenest grass I have ever seen. Everything so beautiful and inspiring.

It just makes me want to hook up with someone! Funny that. All year I have been trying to stay away from men, but now my biological clock is telling me, "Hey! It's spring! Find a man and settle down!"

I love spring-time love, and summer love, I always tend to find someone at that time, I suppose because we're both looking, even if we don't know it consciencely.

Ah... The signs of spring.

The need for closed relationships?

I am ever curious about open and closed relationships. I can see the need for both, but I think trust is more important than both. If you can trust that you are good enough for them to want to come to you, and to never stray or want anyone else, then good for you, but are you being naive? And what about matters of the heart, when should they come in to play?

I am curious about this as I have recently been looking at getting into the dating scene, and what is it that I want? Open, or Closed?

Open has it's appeals for me, I would be able to travel, and if I saw someone I liked, not feel the guilt, I would be able to try new things, and I'm not sure all my needs would be taken care of by just one person. The downside of this, of course, is the other half of the relationship wanting others just as I do, if I was to ever want to settle down and have something most serious, would the other be able to too, what if I was to fall pregnant? Open relationships are more a false sense of security where this is concerned, but at least I would be able to enjoy myself with this person and others. This is more the short-term for me, more the pleasures of the flesh and not so much of the mind, and of course the heart.

Closed relationships are more the way to go, but I would not be able to explore different parts of my sexuality, and when I traveled I would not be able to pick up as I pleased, but at least I would have something that (seemed) more reliable and something serious to fall back on.

The problem I see is if I get into a relationship with someone, and I only think it's monogamous, and it's really not, they are really with other people, and I am only blind enough to think it's just me and them. I would be wasting my time and throwing my heart in the deep end, when I could have just been out there enjoying myself on my travels. But as a good friend of mine once said, you can't keep your heart in glad-wrap forever. You have to throw it out there, and cross your fingers that someone will catch it, and that that person will be the right someone for you.

Ah, such is human relationships in all their glory.

Energy exchange?

It's amazing how we feed off each others energies.

One of my now good friends told me when we first met that she believed strongly in the "exchanging of energies" and she believed that having encounters with many different people in a day, and having to tell them things, to convince them that her side was the right side to be on, made her energy levels go down, or go negative rather. As negative plus positive repeated 100 times over in probably going to equal negative in the long run.

This was an interesting theory, and I took it on bored when I went about my daily activities and later when i began to take on the job that she dose. I hated it, which is rather needless to say I suppose.

After reading a chapter in a biography i recently borrowed from my local library that goes in to how he (the writer) was inspired by his professor at uni, I found myself thinking of the people who inspire me and how that, in comparison to the work I do, is positive plus positive and how well they seem to work together.

Then I thought of a boy who I have been talking to since I was sixteen (I am eighteen in less than a month), and how he and I click, and how we bring each other up, and how exciting he is to talk to sometimes, yet how comfortable I am with him. He is most defiantly a positive energy in my life.

He is not, of course the only one, the organization I work for has tones of people in it who are amazing, who lift me up and make me go "WOW", yet who I can still sit down and talk about my day with over a good meal.

I think I will have to do some more reading into this energies exchange stuff, as I feel I need some positive energies in my room, house and life.