Flowing down our pipe...

I'm lonely and finding something to invest my heart in.

I've been distracted for far too long and at 2.41AM, the penny is beginning to drop. I feel like my heart could burst in my chest and I know that in a couple years time I will not agree with a word of what I'm saying but I know that right now, tomorrow is everything.

Emotional investment was for losers not too long ago, while I was ignoring everything about me, or maybe everything about the future me?

Time flows like liquid down a pipe, too fast for you to hold onto the past but not fast enough for you to let go.

and I'm flowing outside of the pipe occasionally, in those moments that seem to last forever.

tonights an ending for many, and a beginning for others.

I got an ex girlfriend who's stoned of her ass, wanting to see me and others, wanting us to meet her new best thing who she thinks will last forever, but will it? Or is it like me, explaining to a strange man at Giselle's party once that nothing, but nothing lasts forever. You have to die some day, always act like that day is tomorrow and you will be forever happy and great full for the good times.

Many relationships I have seen come and go throughout the years and every time one ends, it seems to give light to new things for both parties. Is monogamy really a good idea or is it a time waster? Even if you are in a relationship that will last for years to come, it is like your safety blanket, you will find someone else who you connect with better than the former, and what happens to that person when it ends? You are forever growing and changing, like water to ice, to snow, to gas, but no matter what, you're still flowing down that pipe and you can't stop that, not for a moment.

The pipe ends at the end but no-one knows when the end will end.

I write raw, and mostly from my heart, which until one faithful drunken night, was rather happy with the way things were, but will I ever be happy like that again? Was I really happy? Or was I simply fooling myself because underneath it all I knew I needed a 20-something male to cuddle upto in the dark, to "complete me", for now?

I remember laying under the stars one night, when I was rather gone, which seems to be when all my appifanies happen, and I thought to myself, what am I doing? Where am I going? Where are we all gong?

Am I happy with flowing with things? Do I really have a choice any more?

I'm at a point in my life where I'm approaching many, very terrifying crossroads and I am over-analyzing.

I want out, but can I really handle the big, bad world?

It's like my driving, I can handle it until I realize what I'm doing and what I'm risking and then I freeze, my heart though, scares me more than any bodily harm.

I'm growing up, realizing how liquid things are and am unsure if I want them to be this way, do I want ice or snow, do I want hail or gas? If I scream "NO, STOP, SLOW DOWN!" will it all end? Will it end how I want it to?

Flowing down my pipe, only sure of where I will end up and unsure of what the obsticals are, a month ago I would have been fine, even a week ago. There's too many possibilities and I'm just frightened, I hope that's all it is.

How do I really want to flow? Do I want to flow at all?

There's no such thing as forever, only now. This sparkling moment that shall melt in my hand any instant.

... there it goes.