My thoughts; the letter.

Ben,

We need to talk; I'm feeling like shit. I've cried over this relationship more than a handful of times, and this isn't just the "you're going away" cry. I'm crying because I'm not totaly Happy. Keep reading, this is not a break up letter. I feel very, very deeply for you, and I know you do for me too, so I don't think we should give this up.

I don't know if they're all my issues. The best I can see is, some are me, some are us and some are you. I'm decidedly blunt because beating around the bush just doesn't work with us.

I'm noticing a pattern, I'll get upset, or 'bothered' by something that happens, or more often than not, something that does not happen, then I start to feel like it's a one-sided relationship, like I'm the only one giving, then, when I'm beginning to give up hope, you will turn around and do something, then for a while I will feel things are good again. Then the whole thing repeats.

I'm also beginning to see paterns within my own behaviour and thoughts when things happen, or don't happen with you and me. I'm beginning to see how I will feel a sertain way so I will feel like I "need" an extreme to eaven me out. (like the slave stuff).

It's feeling good just to write this much down. Making progress, I am.

I want to adress my issues, yours, and the relationships. I want to talk about it openly and not feel like I'm hurting you just by mentioning things. Life is hard, realtionships are too. We both need to learn to deal with it or we'll never get through.