The truth of the matter.

I’m vulnerable, fragile and stupid.

Let’s just give up now as it’s never going to fix itself, I’m broken and it’s all my own fault.

I trust too easy, love to freely and fall much too hard too quickly and that’s just for a start. I also fall for people like you, you’re like a disease and you’re spreading right through me. I feel you in my toes, my tongue, my fingers and my spine. I feel you under my skin and I know you just won’t get out.

New relationship energy drives people wild with excitement but I’ve had enough excitement for this year. Enough pain and hurt. It’s only half way through and I’ve had enough of everything for the next twenty years. I may just crawl back inside my coffin now.

It all sounds like an exaggeration, and it really is but I want to feel that first kiss again, the first time you touched me, the first time you said you cared and it warmed my heart. Where did that go? Why am I now like this? Isn’t it funny how the tables turn.

Four months ago I was the one telling you not to attach, not to get too deep, because you wouldn’t be able to get out again. You attached to me though, and that was smart, that was how it should go. Not what I’m doing. I’m attaching to an idea, a person that does not exist.

Man I’m fucked up.

Kid’s these days will never get it, and neither will adults, we only know what goes on inside our own mind, and not what happens in the minds of others. We only understand our own feelings, and that’s if we’re lucky. So if I only get me, and even then I only *just* get me, why do I want you too?

I don’t want to share, I don’t want to pretend, I just want to feel myself and be myself and just be happy. It’s simple, effective and I need it more than I need you.

Is this the beauty of youth? Will I remember this all happily one day? Maybe I will… Let’s wait and see.